How To Do It All

DO MORE THAN YOU NEED TO....

This week, I want to talk to you about why you should always try to do more than you need to, if you want to achieve anything. Sometimes, you really have to challenge yourself and push yourself beyond what is strictly necessary. if you really want to succeed at something. 
We are often so naturally programmed to do just enough to meet the minimum requirements for anything, so that we often forget our need to always try to do our best, to push further and to do more than we need to do.
Whenever we go above and beyond, we not only impress others, but also show ourselves unconsciously what we are really capable of. By setting higher standards for yourself and doing more than what is expected, you achieve greater success and personal growth than if you had set the bar lower.
I have noticed that when achievers hit the bar set for them, you can raise it higher and higher and they keep hitting it. Yet, when someone doesn’t reach the bar set for them and you lower it, they somehow still don’t hit it, even if you lower it. 
Strange isn't it? This probably has something to do with unconsciously having internal self-belief, or limiting beliefs, whether from work, in school, in relationships, or in any other aspect of life. 
Here are some practical examples of things you can try:
- When setting goals for personal fitness or wellness, challenge yourself to exceed the minimum requirements by pushing past your comfort zone, increasing the intensity or duration of workouts, or making healthier choices in your diet.- Instead of just completing the minimum requirements for a task at home, work or school, try to take on additional tasks that will make a bigger impact on you personally.- In a relationship, try to go the extra mile by surprising your partner with thoughtful gestures, planning special dates, or showing them appreciation and love beyond what is expected.
But, find a balance. One counter-argument is that pushing yourself to do better lead to burnout and exhaustion. It’s also crucial to set realistic goals and boundaries to prevent overwhelming oneself. Constantly striving for perfection and exceeding expectations can result in stress, anxiety, and physical or mental health issues. 
So, this week, don't settle for mediocrity, but instead take on new challenges and constantly push yourself to do better. Remember, the only way to reach new heights is by pushing yourself to do more than you need to and to always go the extra mile!

VERY FEW THINGS ARE REALLY SECRET...

This week I want to talk to you about how very few things are really as secret as you think they are. It’s so important to be aware of this and to think twice before sharing sensitive information, or keeping secrets that could harm you or others if revealed. 
Have you ever thought a secret you keep is completely secure and known only to you? The truth is that very few things are as secret as we think they are. In this digital age of technology and information sharing, it has become increasingly difficult to keep things truly private. 
Whether a personal secret or a private conversation, there’s always a risk of it being exposed or discovered by someone else. Trust is very important, but so is being mindful of the potential consequences of sharing information meant to be confidential.
You may think a diary is a safe place to write down all your deepest secrets, but if a family member finds and reads it, you soon realise very few things are truly as secret as you thought they were.
Here are some other examples: 
- Do you believe your password-protected computer files are secure? If a hacker gains access to your information, you will soon learn that very few things are as secret as you may have hoped.- You may share a private conversation with a close friend, thinking it will stay between you, but when the friend inadvertently mentions it to someone else, you realise very few things are as secret as you had assumed.- Say you are trying to keep a special surprise party a secret from a family member; but if they accidentally see some party planning materials, you then discover how hard it is to keep things truly secret, as you had initially thought.
Whilst it’s true that keeping secrets can be challenging, it does not mean that all secrets are at risk of being exposed. There are still many ways to secure sensitive information and keep it confidential. And just because some secrets have been exposed, doesn’t mean that all secrets are vulnerable.
So, the next time you think you have a secret that is completely safe, please remember what I have said here and how very few things are as completely secret as you think they are. It’s important to take proactive measures to safeguard confidential information. Always stay cautious and mindful!

PHONES ARE DISTRACTION DEVICES…

This week, I want to talk to you about how our phones are really just distraction devices.
 
We all know that feeling, don’t we? You’re at dinner with family or friends and suddenly everyone’s staring at their screens. It’s like the world around becomes secondary and I sometimes wonder what important moments people may be missing out on, because their eyes are glued to their phones.
 
Tell me, have you recently tried going without your phone for a day? It’s really liberating, but it’s also very challenging. Initially, there’s a feeling of isolation and emptiness, but soon, you start filling the void and noticing things around you that you often overlook. 
 
Whenever we seem to feel the slightest hint of boredom, we reach for our phones, forgetting that they have been designed as distraction devices and we are then also just feeding our own addiction and making it harder for ourselves to do without them in the future.
 
It's really strange how such a small gadget can have such a hold over us and pull our attention away from moments we’re in, without us realising. I’ve observed just how much time people spend on their phones, but how much richer real-life interactions become when we’re fully present.
 
Here are some things you can try out and hopefully learn from:
 
 
- Have you ever created any boundaries that work for you personally, like trying a phone-free afternoon one day a week to reflect and focus on personal projects? 
- Or have you ever tried specific methods, as it may be interesting to see how they impacts your focus and interactions?
- Or have you ever implemented any strategies to limit distractions at home, like a family phone-free afternoon at the weekend? 
 
(Good luck with this last one though if you have teenagers - it is like you are depriving them of oxygen!)
 
It may be an interesting experiment to see how people really engage with each other without screens. Try to craft personalised strategies for mindful phone use, balancing connectivity with minimised distractions. I find it helpful to set specific times to check my phone, so I’m not constantly sidelined by notifications. 
 
Although phone-free initiatives seem better for improving focus, they overlook the importance of staying connected and how phones are now vital for emergencies, communication, capturing memories and obtaining information. They also lead to unintended stress for those who use them for managing families, mental health support, or professional obligations.
 
So, this week, remember how mindful use of phones and setting boundaries is good, but also how blanket restrictions cause stress and hinder productivity. Of course, phones have their benefits, but it's about balance, so be conscious of how you use your phone and find ways to be more present!
 

IT'S ALWAYS IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK…

----
This week, I want to talk to you about how, as the adage goes, something is always in the last place that you look for it. It seems a bit obvious, doesn’t it? But  I want to look at this phrase a bit closer here and also from another perspective, as usual!
You've probably heard yourself saying it countless times, perhaps mumbling it while on a search for your keys, wallet, or even glasses perched atop your head. At first, this saying always seems a bit silly. Of course, we stop looking for something once we've found it, so it must always literally be in the 'last place' that we look for it! 
Yet, I think that there is also another deeper meaning to this statement; that we often overlook the obvious and make things more complex for ourselves than they need to be sometimes, or waste time often looking far and wide for answers that are actually already right under our noses.
The truths we seek in life are always much closer to us than we think and simple solutions are often the right ones within reach. For example, how many times have you undertaken extensive searches, whether physically or mentally, only to find what you were looking for there all along? 
Here are some further examples: 
- Imagine you're on a personal search for happiness or fulfilment, trying new hobbies, traveling, or seeking external validation. But you eventually realise that contentment was always within you, so your "search" ends when you look inwards and not outwards, the last "place" you considered.- Imagine you’re trying to solve a tricky puzzle, but nothing works for you and you are becoming increasingly frustrated. But when you slow down and show patience and persistence, your efforts lead to the solution, which then seems so obvious to you.- Imagine you’re searching for a creative solution to a particular problem but, after trying lots of options, the answer then turns out to be the first or simple answer you initially rejected.
But don’t assume the last place you look is where you'll find something, as this might not always be true. It also doesn't account for situations where the sought-after item isn't found at all. Whilst it encourages trust in instincts and simplicity, it may also lead to complacency.
So, this week, remember when you lose something, pause, reflect and look first for the obvious solution. Maybe you'll find that the last place you look is not just about the end of a search, but an opportunity to remind yourself to trust in simplicity of answers and wisdom within!

EVEN PERFECTIONISTS MAKE MISTAKES...

This week I want to talk to you about how even perfectionists sometimes make mistakes and how you can never do something perfectly, so you should not worry if you do not do something perfectly if you know that you've tried your best.
Making mistakes is just part of being human and the way we learn and grow. If you are one of those people who strives for perfection in everything and always wonders why you somehow don't achieve it, this may be a realisation, as neither you nor anyone else is immune to making mistakes.
It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we make a mistake, especially if perfection is our goal. We somehow always tend to hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and when we fall short of our expectations, which is often inevitable, it can be so crushing if we haven't managed our expectations. 
Perfection is just an illusion. No one is perfect. Expecting yourself to be perfect is just setting yourself up for failure. It's so important to always remind ourselves that mistakes we make are not a true reflection of our worth. They are simply a part of the learning process we continually go through in life.
Here are some examples:
- A perfectionist student who aims for straight As on their exams, makes a very simple error on a test and then receives a much lower grade than expected as, despite studying diligently and putting in their best efforts, they still make a mistake.- A perfectionist chef who prides themselves on always serving flawless dishes, accidentally adds too much salt to a soup that they are preparing, despite following a recipe closely and being conscious in their other cooking techniques.- A perfectionist, creative person who spends a lot of time meticulously working on something, realises too late that they have made an error in what they have done earlier, despite their attention to detail and dedication.
But recognise that pressure we put on ourselves to strive for perfection, actually increases the chance of us making errors. Perfectionists also set such high standards that they become much more stressed. So, ironically, perfectionism is counterproductive in the long run and hinders performance. 
So, this week, if you make a mistake, remember that it's alright and use it as an opportunity to learn and improve in what you are doing. Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities to develop resilience and adaptability. Remember, even perfectionists make mistakes!

DO THE WRONG THING TO DO THE RIGHT THING… (part 2 of 2)

This week, I want to continue with my thought from last week and talk to you again about how sometimes you must do the wrong thing to do the right thing. As I said, this is a very difficult concept to wrestle with personally in some situations. This week I want to look at this topic in more depth.
Sometimes, the right choice isn’t immediately obvious and you are faced with making a decision that, at first appears wrong. Yet, deep down, you know that taking the road less travelled by other people can lead to a greater good and positive result that fits in more with your core beliefs.
Life often needs you to make challenging decisions, but you must always first think very carefully and logically about potential consequences and harm and not just act impulsively or emotionally. You find sometimes that doing the "wrong" thing is actually the most ‘right’ thing you can do.
The concept and implications associated with deviating from moral norms and standards, where the wrong thing becomes the right thing is very puzzling and applies to many scenarios in many different contexts. 
Here are some counter-arguments based on examples I talked about last week:
- The idea of potential harm, as actions felt "right" based on their broader context, can still cause harm in the short term. For example, allowing a child to make mistakes may foster independence or resilience, but it can also result in unnecessary harm or distress. - The idea of long-term consequences, especially in withdrawing from personal relationships, as decisions based on the idea that the wrong thing is the right thing to do, may have unintended and adverse long-term consequences for you or others.- The idea of moral relativism, which is the idea that actions that are "wrong" can feel "right" in certain contexts,  where a doctor lying to a patient about their medical condition may prevent immediate stress, but may lead to distrust or poorer health in the long run.
These ideas show the complexity of moral decision-making. You also have to be very careful of subjective bias and deciding what ‘right’ is, as what is felt ‘wrong’ be influenced by personal bias or interests. This subjectivity leads to justifying actions under the disguise of broader justification.
So, this week, remember how the ‘wrong’ thing sometimes becomes the ‘right’ thing. But remember also that context guides you when you make choices and you must always find a way to do things that ultimately gives you a deeper sense of rightness, even if it feels problematic!

DO THE WRONG THING TO DO THE RIGHT THING… (part 1 of 2)

This week, I want to talk to you about how sometimes you must do the wrong thing to do the right thing. This is a very difficult concept to wrestle with personally, as it’s a paradoxical idea and not intuitive so, as I have a lot to share here, I’m going to split it into two parts this week and next week.
We grow up tending to believe in strict rules of right and wrong, always seeing life through a black-and-white lens. However, sometimes, we encounter complex situations and realise that there are actually many grey areas in life that we have to navigate through. It’s extremely difficult sometimes.
Doing the wrong thing doesn't always equate to acting unethically or immorally. Instead, it can mean stepping away from conventional paths to serve a higher purpose or protect a greater good. It's about being guided by your values, even when they lead you to challenge established norms.
This is a paradox and turning "wrong" actions into "right" ones raises issues like moral relativism, potential harm and long-term consequences and there can also be issues of subjective bias, ethical standards and even the rule of law to consider, if we are to avoid internal confusion.
Here are some examples:
- Sometimes, parents must allow children to make their own mistakes and learn from them, rather than always stepping in to help, as this hinders them in the long run. Whilst it feels wrong to let a child fail and face consequences, this is the right way to increase independence and resilience.- Sometimes, ending a personal relationship may feel wrong or too hard, due to emotional bonds and shared history. However, where that relationship is an unhealthy or toxic one, leaving it could actually be the right decision for a person’s personal growth and overall well-being.- Sometimes, a doctor decides to lie about the severity of a patient’s condition to try to reduce unnecessary stress for them in their final stages of life. This seems wrong according to medical ethics, but may feel right to the doctor in prioritising the patient’s overall well-being.
The danger here is that doing the wrong thing to do the right thing can promote moral relativism, where ethical standards become subjective and undermine the consistency of basic moral principles, leading to slippery slope arguments, where boundaries of acceptable behaviour become blurred.
So, this week, remember that, whilst the paradox of the wrong thing becoming the right thing requires careful consideration of complex moral and ethical principles, it also needs careful thinking. about potential harms. I’ll tell you more about this next week!

HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY..

This week, I want to talk to you about how hope is not a strategy. Whilst it's always very important to remain optimistic and keep faith in the possibility of positive outcomes, relying solely on hope without taking action is just not a sustainable approach to achieving anything in life.
Hope is a beautiful thing, but it should always be complemented actively also with determination, hard work and resilience. Instead of just passively hoping for good things to happen, it’s always crucial for you to practically work towards aspirations. 
Doing this may sometimes involve you setting clear outcomes, developing realistic plans and taking consistent steps towards achieving your desired goals. By then combining your hope with some form of strategic action, you then increase your chances of success and can turn your dreams into reality.
But while it’s important to also combine hope with strategic action, you should never dismiss the value of having hope itself, as hope can serve as a powerful motivator, serve as a source of creativity, or be a basis for your emotional resilience and ability to keep going forward.
Here are some examples:
- Imagine you are a student hoping to get a good grade on a test, but without studying or putting in any effort. While it's great to have hope, without also having some sort of strategic plan for studying and preparing yourself, it's unlikely that hope will materialise into success.
- Imagine you are someone hoping to find a new job, but without actively applying to positions, networking, or improving skills. Hope alone won't land you a job; you need to have a strategy to practically search for opportunities, tailor your resume and prepare for interviews.
- Imagine you are an athlete hoping to win a competition but without practising, training, or focusing on your ability or performance. Whilst having an air of optimism and belief in oneself is always essential here, without a realistic strategy, just hoping to win alone is not enough.
Yet hope is motivating and keeps people going in spite of challenges or setbacks. Without hope, it’s easy to become discouraged and give up. Additionally, hope inspires creativity and innovation, as we are more likely to think outside the box. Hope also encourages us to take risks.
So, this week, remember that, although hope helps you maintain a positive outlook, it shouldn’t be relied on as a sole strategy and it’s very important to always take action, set clear goals and work towards outcomes. Don't just hope for the best, try to practically make it happen!

THE SPOTLIGHT EFFECT...

This week I want to talk to you about 'The Spotlight Effect', which is the tendency for people to overestimate how much attention other people are paying to them in social situations than they actually are. 
We all have moments in life where we feel like everyone seems to be watching and judging us. We therefore feel that we're always somehow in the spotlight, even though we're not really the centre of attention as we may think. 
In reality, most other people are usually too focused on themselves to notice what we're doing and our insecurities and anxieties are completely unfounded.
Understanding ‘The Spotlight Effect’ therefore should help us feel more at ease, as it's a reminder that we're all human and we all have these insecurities and anxieties. 
Here are some examples:
- Imagine you're at a party and you spill some drink on your top. You immediately feel embarrassed and think that everyone is staring at you and judging you. However, in reality, most people probably won't even notice, or if they did, they usually quickly forget about it.- Imagine you're out walking or running, but you suddenly trip and fall in front of people. You immediately feel mortified and assume that everyone is laughing at you. However, in reality, most people probably actually feel some sympathy for you and quickly move on with their day.- Imagine that you're giving a speech or presentation and you stumble over your words. You may start to feel self-conscious and worry that people think less of you. But, in reality, they are actually likely to be more focused on what you are talking about, rather than any mistakes you may make.
But while, in most cases, people do not notice or quickly forget embarrassing moments, we are also social beings, so we naturally observe things around us. Ignoring feelings of embarrassment hinders personal growth, as learning from experiences helps us build resilience, so you must strike a balance.
So, remember that you're not under a spotlight all the time and you're just living your life like everyone else every day. And next time you feel like everybody's eyes are on you, remember that most people are probably too caught up in their own thoughts to even notice you, so don't be too hard on yourself!

WE VALUE IT MORE IF WE PAY MORE FOR IT...

This week I want to talk to you about how we always seem to value something more if we pay more for it.
Have you ever noticed like me that you always tend to value something more when you pay more for it? This psychological phenomenon is called 'The Endowment Effect' and is another unconscious bias that causes people to value something more, simply because they pay more money for it. 
Many studies have shown that when people pay a higher price for a product or service, they place a higher value on it unconsciously. This is because paying for something gives people a sense of ownership and investment, so they believe the item is more valuable to them than it may actually be.
You have to remember that value is not always the same as price, so please bear this in mind when you make any purchasing decisions, so you can try to understand the true worth of something to you, rather than what you actually are paying for it.
Here are some examples:
- Someone who works hard and saves up for months to buy an expensive item will usually value it much more than a similar item that they may receive as a gift.- Someone who pays extra for expedited shipping on an order will usually perceive the product as being more valuable to them than if they had opted for standard shipping.- Someone who spends a significant amount of money on a meal at a restaurant may savour and appreciate each bite more than if they had eaten a cheaper meal.
But the concept of value of anything is always subjective and can be influenced by other factors beyond just the price. For example, something that holds sentimental value, has a special meaning attached to it,  or items that are rare or unique, may be valued more, despite their actual cost.
So, this week, remember that value is always subjective and it's therefore important to remember that true value is mostly based on personal preference or utility and you must consider everything that contributes to your appreciation of something, not just the price tag!